That leaf is floating in midair.
But I rush right past it.
It wasn’t shimmy falling
The way leaves do.
Enjoying, or at least appearing to enjoy
Their ride to the ground.
Teasing us
For having trouble letting go.
No. This little canoe shaped leaf
Was just hanging there.
Midair.
So still.
And then twirling like Barishnikov.
I don’t stop - because I’m clocking miles.
And a day with a ticking clock.
So I walk right this little mystery.
In my own defense, on this particular walk
I’m a bit off.
Who isn’t, at least sometimes, right now?
So besides beating the clock
I’m trying to beat my mind.
It’s also spinning
And faster than the leaf -
Having picked up momentum during a restless night.
I am countering crazy-spinning thoughts with saner, stiller ones.
Countering fear-based thoughts
With loving ones.
Trying to change the way I feel with thinking.
It can work.
The first time I heard someone say thoughts create feelings
The world turned upside down.
Obviously feelings create thoughts.
Right?
I’ve been experimenting for a dozen years.
I believe it works in both directions.
But it’s more straightforward to change your thinking.
Sometimes action is the only way.
And that’s where walking can sometimes help.
If it doesn’t just rev up the already troubled mind.
I wasn’t having much luck with the shift on this walk.
Stuck in the how come and I said and no and if only.
So I said hi to the leaf
Half way between up to down.
Half way between green to brown.
But just as it was fully behind me
I turn back.
I’m a writer.
That’s what we do.
That leaf is floating, I say out loud, to Mitch who is counting his own miles.
Must be a spider web or something, he says.
Shrugging it off, he heads in.
I do another lap.
Fully expecting the leaf to be gone.
But as I round the corner, it’s still there.
I take a picture.
The third lap - mind still spinning
Leaf still there.
So I stop and make a video.
I run my hand under.
Nothing supporting.
Over.
I do seem to affect it, but I can’t feel anything.
And ohhhh - now actually having had an experience with the leaf
It finally occurs to me: riiight, it’s a sign.
I feel silly.
Always looking for signs and still missing this.
It happens, if you’re being loud.
By the third lap my mind had quieted just enough
NOTE: a metric for signs.
I clock things as signs if they are loud.
Audibly.
By repetition.
By being out of place.
The floating leaf hit two loud metrics.
Still there after three laps, and very out of place.
Not on a tree, or the ground, or on a wreath.
Just floating in mid air.
But what’s it a sign of?
Hmmmmm.
Oh!
Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
I mean I knew there was something keeping the leaf afloat.
Something like what Mitch was suggesting.
Or. Something else.
Like the invisible string that Taylor Swift sings about.
Like the one between Mitch and I.
Like the one weaving magic all around us.
The invisible thing that does take care of things.
The way things do work out.
The way if it’s not a happy ending it’s not the ending.
Maybe.
Relax and let things unfold.
Meaning take action, so much action, but stop fretting.
The invisible string asks us to walk the walk, do the things.
But to believe that there are beneficent forces assisting.
It’s not just that the string is invisible, it’s also sparkly.
Or… oh! Maybe it was a leaf - leave - telling me to leave.
Hmmm. Leave what?
Leave this idea that by fretting I can control it.
Or maybe it was a joke sign.
Honey, you’re just hanging by a thread.
Hahahaha universe. Good one.
I felt calmer.
Went into the house.
In the all white bathroom there seemed to be a floating black dot.
I walked closer.
It was literally a spider hanging mid bathroom..
Right at eye level.
Like gurl, in case you didn’t get t before, or thought we were kidding.
Please enjoy this season of the witch, friends.
This ending of the season between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
May your name be inscribed in the invisible book, the Book of Life.
And may it be sealed.
Infinitely Yours,
Beth
PS: More of a Reels person? I made a super simple version of this story over on Instagram.
🌟 What I’m Loving
🎬 Watching: GIRLS
I do generally recommend girls — but in this case, Girls the series. After watching Too Much I wanted to revisit Lena Dunham’s first show. Mitch had never seen it. I’m loving it even more the second time around. It holds up — stories, performances, New York… and while totally contemporary, it also sits slightly before all this. Sigh.
📚 Reading: I’m Prancing As Fast As I Can
Jon Kinally first read some of these stories at our Say The Word shows at the Skirball. Now it’s a beautiful and hilarious book of coming-of-age stories.
☕ Coffee: Carrera
My heart goes out to the workers at Starbucks that closed in LA. If that’s you — come to a show, on the house. Meanwhile, I really love Carrera (corner of Harper + Melrose). The coffee is strong — honestly, check your caffeine time limit beforehand. (This from someone who can sleep after a six o’clock cup.) Bonus: it’s across from The Pink Wall — so, great show.
👟 Mental Health: Walking Shoes
I finally got sneakers I love — ON’s (as in walking on a cloud). I’d been logging miles in boots and Adidas meant to look cool — ow. These shoes changed the shape of my days, my brain, my body. But your perfect shoe might be different.
Spellfuck turned that into “perfect show” hahaha. Which does bring me to shows hahaha and… It’s A Lot. I definitely recommend you join me for this one 😉 Oct 24 at El Cid in Silverlake. Get your tickets here!
And if you could use help reading your signs - and more critically, giving signs, creating your best most glorious work, I have a few open spots in my groups and one on one coaching. Set up a mini strategy session here.